For the past two weeks, I have been listening to John Gray’s audio book.
I was very excited to get this audio book especially after seeing John Gray live at the . He was extremely funny, insightful and I was truly impressed by how knowledgeable he is on the nature of relationship between men and women.
As I was running with my iPod this morning, John talked about the art of asking and tips on how to ask a man for what you want.
I believe by understanding how the opposite sex communicates it will not only help your personal relationship, but also your professional ones. After all, it is not about what you ask for, but how you ask for what you want. The better you understand your audience, the easier you can get your point across.
Here are five tips from John’s for women when communicating with men:
1. Appropriate Timing
Don’t ask a man for something that he is already planning to do. Timing is very crucial for men. Men don’t like to be told what to do. If a man is focused on something, don’t expect him to immediately respond to your request.
2. Non Demanding Attitude
Ask for what you want, but don’t demand for what you want. Men like to feel appreciated. If you ask in a demanding attitude, men will feel unappreciated for what he is already given and probably say no.
3. Be Brief
Avoid giving reasons why a man should help you. The longer you explain yourself, the more he will resist. Your long explanation will make him feel you don’t trust him. Trust is very important to men. Be brief with your request and practice trusting that he will do if he can.
4. Be Direct
Don’t expect a man to naturally notice your need. Don’t just talk about the problem and expect the man to take action. You need to directly ask for his support. An indirect request makes him feel being taking for granted or unappreciated. If you have a man sensitive enough to pick up on the clues, lucky you, but for most it’s probably better to be direct. There’s no point in expecting your man to be ultra-sensitive, then being disappointed when he doesn’t understand what you really want. Just ask for it.
5. Use Correct Wording
Instead of using “could you”, “can you”, “would you like” or “do you want to”, use “would you” or “will you” to directly ask for what you want from men. Men are very different from women. A woman would naturally offer help and support when she sees there is a need. Men do not do that. When you ask “Can you clean the dishes”, a man may answer “Of course I can”. Just because he says yes and has the ability to do so doesn’t mean he is committed to do so. Use “Would you clean the dishes” instead to gain his commitment.
Think About This…
For Women Is your style of communication getting through to your male friends, coworker or partners?
For Men Do you agree with what John Gray recommends?